Story Telling

Friday Fictioneers
February 2/15/2013
100 words or less


Holding On


“That sounds reasonable,” she struggled  to keep the tremor from her voice. She briskly cleared the table. It had seemed extravagant. She should have guessed this was coming.

“It’s just, the fact that we both can’t go, doesn’t mean neither of us should.” His lodged a hand in his thick silver hair, uncertain.

“When do you leave?”

“That’s the thing…”

She froze, knowingly.  Today’s shuttle left this evening, landing in the settlement the following year.
She couldn’t bear to hear him say it. She kissed him, with a passion they had forgotten.

“I forgot… something. I’ll be back soon... I love you.”

She walked away, knowing that he’d be gone by the time she returned.





14 comments:

  1. i sense there will be a long wait...a year or longer? whoa. very long. you leave me wondering now...where is this mysterious place... you placed the mystery in perfectly. ♥

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  2. Very intriguing. It's a cliche to say 'left me wanting more' but it did. Well done.

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    1. thanks, i'm new to this ficitoneers/flash ficiton business. what a great exercies!

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  3. Sad. Feels like an introduction to a larger work. Nice job.

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  4. I liked this but I had a little trouble with the flow. Who said what? Who was leaving and who was staying? It feels like they are going to another world, perhaps where there is a fountain of youth. They can’t afford for both of them to go at least not at the same time. Am I anywhere near close?

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    1. thanks so much for the suggestion. you're absolutely right... i cut out a lot of words. i'll edit and see if i can't fix the problem.

      incidentally, you are spot on, though i wasn't thinking they couldn't afford for them both to go, but rather one didn't qualify. could be fun to pursue the story.

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  5. Very interesting. Like everyone else, I definitely want to see more!

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  6. I like your story premise a lot, and great use of the prompt. I'm wondering what the settlement is and want to know more.

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  7. Very nice, the pain of parting is always to big. Very well told.

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  8. Welcome, I'm pretty new here myself.

    I concur that the story left me wanting to know where this place was. A shuttle made me think space travel with all of its dangers. Makes sense to me with getting to the settlement a year later.

    "she kissed him with a passion they had forgotten."--a favorite line.

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  9. Well done. I like the background story that is only hinted at.

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